Sweet Pain

There is a pain immersed within me
That alone I have to bear
That pain breaks me and then it disappears
I bring it back deliberately
To exprience its sweet bitter venom.
I roll down burning tears
And weep so that none can hear.
The cause of this agony is known to me
And I am the one who let it happen.
There is no one to blame
Yet my heart and soul pierce.
There is a disguise I have to wear
I purse my lips with smile and show my strength everywhere
I gather all those layers.
The layers of my memories which I tried to remove for ever.
Those memorable years, I wish, had never been there.
Everyday in my diary I strive to tear
Those pages of remembrances.
I fail every time and
Embrace that pain as a volunteer.
I longingly wait for someone
To discover me in this deep darkness
Who can hold me and utter
That there is nothing to fear.
The one who can sneak into real me
Who lovingly comforts me, protects me and tolerates my insanity.
Who tells me to open my heart out and declare
I need not pretend my grimness nor hide the anguish any longer.

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